Forward Motion

It's truly amazing how God can change one's heart in an instant. Then again, maybe it wasn't an "instant", maybe He'd been working on this for a while and I just finally caught on. That is more than likely!

Change isn't easy for most of us. I can say it doesn't bother me, it's part of life and I expect it; however when changes come they often knock me for a loop. I dropped my daughter off for her last day of high school on Tuesday and then proceeded to bawl the next half hour on my way to work. This lead to a mopey head achy day. I believe I have already mentioned I am so proud of this young lady and I truly am thrilled to see her set off and share her gifts with the world; but the transition is killer. It was hurting me, making me feel sad and washed up. I could feel God dealing with me. I knew what I needed to do but was having trouble doing it.

Then we attended the Senior Baccalaureate. The Baccalaureate is a church service for the senior class and their families. What a blessing to watch young adults from a public school honor God in their lives! The theme was wisdom, which the Bible tells us is found by always putting God first. The pastor spoke on moving forward, and that's where it clicked; not only do these teenagers finishing high school and taking the next steps in their journey have the opportunity to move forward but so don't I! And by the looks on other parents faces there were quite a few of us that felt God's touch that evening. Remembering is nice, sometimes bittersweet, but we can not live in the past. What good does it do? Oh the peace I felt! And the revelation! Though these thoughts had been trying to break through the jumbles in my mind, they didn't truly sink in until that night. God has plans for ALL of us, and we must remember that although God is unchanging, those plans will move forward and grow and change at different stages of our life. Praise God!!

Graduation was last night. What a beautiful group of youngsters. Such potential. My daughter is pursuing the criminal justice field and she is more than ready. She, as well as her classmates, have worked hard and I am sure that was just the beginning! I was so proud of her and will continue to be, but I didn't fall apart like expected. I felt God's peace, and the excitement of my daughter's future before her as well as my own. Only God can do that!

I leave you with a verse to ponder. Ask God today, what does lie ahead? He doesn't throw us away at a certain age, we seem to do that to ourselves. All things are possible. ~Blessings!

Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of  me. Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead,  I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Phil 3:12-14

Accepting God's Will

Wow that title sounds intimidating! There are so many trails this post could take to explore the depths of this title, but I am merely discussing what I need to accept at this stage in my life; my children. They are growing up and leaving the nest. I promised myself for years I would handle this gracefully. I would give the a hug & a kiss, a little prayer of course and wave goodbye. I would keep busy in a multitude of ways and soon enough the visits from college would be upon me. Well, here it is, nine days from my daughter's graduation and I feel like my heart is being ripped out. My mind has wandered back to preschool and those adorable little granimal outfits, elementary school began the sports rush with teeball and soccer. It's like some sappy movie. Then suddenly I am going from sappy to sick to my stomach, how can we be here so soon? Life is moving too fast...blah blah blah..blah BLAH!

I make light of it here, but truly some days it really gets me down. I walked in from work today to see her graduation gown hanging in the dining room. This is just not going to go away! Then in my spirit, I heard God ask me, "Are you rejecting my will?"  Oh. Ooops again. (Maybe I should call this blog "Ooops"?) Why didn't I think of that before? I love my kids, but He loves them more. I have let the attitude creep in that I wish they were still little. "I miss that age", has come out of my mouth more and more when I see a little one under 5. But God let me know pretty clearly, that's not right. He has an INCREDIBLE plan for my children, and they need to graduate and grow up and discover that plan for themselves. What He also needs me to know, and deep down I need to realize this may be more important for my well being for me to "get this", is that He has incredible plans for me. I love being a mom. I truly wasn't one of those girls that planned and dreamed of the day, but when it was time for me to be mommy it fit me like a glove. Of course I'll still be mom, but my role is changing quickly. I must admit it scares me. Not only do I love being a mom, but although I wasn't perfect, I feel I was good at it. So now I am seeing I'm scared to not have something I am good at; and God is saying, "Are you rejecting My will?"

And I will say, "Of course not." I may have to start over trusting Him a few times. And He will definitely have more of my tears to collect; but as soon as I heard His voice and realized how disobedient I had been, I felt His peace.

Growing up, growing older and moving on is all part of God's will in our life no matter who you are. The blanks get filled in differently for each of us. The change that most of us fear is precisely what He is asking us to accept. I pray we all learn to accept it with grace and thrive in His will.

Oh Lord, help me!!

Philippians 2:14:16 tells us to

 Do all things without complaining and disputing,  that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast the word of life, so that I may rejoice in the day of Christ that I have not run in vain or labored in vain.

OUCH! My bible studies took me to this passage this week and I got stuck. Not only was I stuck, I was stunned and convicted, AND downright depressed! Do I do ALL things, every single thing without complaint? Ummmm, no. When the office is crazy and everyone is not quite getting along and big changes are coming down the pike, do I resist complaining? Not usually. (I advert my eyes from you). When I get home from a long day and the kids have MORE paperwork for me to look at that is due like yesterday, do I hold back the grumbles? Rarely. (I hang my head a little lower.) To top it off, when I see those gas prices go up another four cents, do I bite my tongue? Not a chance! (I am about on my belly now!)

Oh, Lord, what are you going to do with me? I wrote a few days ago about Miss Audrey, the sweetest lady I have ever known. Now, I am sure she wasn't perfect, but she was very close, and I never saw her complain. I admit, after spending time with her I would come home ready to turn over another leaf. "I will not complain. I will not complain. I will not complain." (I clicked my heals as I spoke!) Not surprisingly this didn't work. The pressure eventually turns up and I blow. Not the obvious, angry, scene-stealing blow; just the cranky, headachey, run of the mill type.

So if I can't control myself, and God clearly tells us in His word, that we are not to be whiners. Why? Because we are to be the lights to show people Jesus. Who would want what we have if we are miserable? See what His point is? Yes, ouch.

This is where the sweet Holy Spirit comes in reminding us that God's grace is enough. He loves us, and has given us everything we need. ASK for His help to change, and He will give all you need. Matthew 19:26 tells us, Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

What a relief! If I pay attention and ask God for His help, He will do the impossible in me, and enable me to do His word. What could be better than that?

Do You Vote?

We recently had a special election in our district to replace our Congressman who had fallen from grace. Politicians falling from grace seems to be a bit too common in these times, but that is a post for another day. "Mudslinging" is not a new part of politics, it just seems to be more invasive these days. We see commercial after commercial on television where one candidate says this about the other party's candidate and then it is "right back atcha" thirty seconds later. Our mailboxes are filled with flyers, and now even our voicemail is full of automated messages from organizations wanting us to see the issues their way. It is annoying, and unfortunately it has turned many a citizen away from voting all together. This saddens me deeply as both a citizen of the United States and as a woman.

We take much for granted in the United States.I am not pointing fingers here, I do it constantly.One thing though that I have tried not to forget is that as a member of a democratic society it is a privilege to have the opportunity to choose who will represent me in government. And as a woman that privilege was fought for with much more difficulty. Women's liberation is full of conundrums. As a thirty-something woman I felt guilty for years that I didn't agree with all I heard said and done within the women's movement. I am engaged in my own study of the Women's Rights Movement right now, simultaneously studying the early movement, particularly Susan B Anthony, and also the movement of the 1960's. What I have learned thus far is that there was not one all encompassing movement that fit every woman's personal beliefs and desires perfectly. There was often dissension in the ranks, which makes sense; God gave us all our own personalities and gifts. But as time goes by, history seems to get lumped together. Learning this has made me feel better about my views already.

So back to voting. Do I believe that my vote makes a difference or that a particular government official can make a difference. Not all the time I'm afraid, I am a little jaded. But we have this beautiful right to speak out, and when enough of us do, I believe change happens. When I say that a women had no right to vote in most state prior to 1920, that may not even mean much to you looking at today's political atmosphere. But when I say in general, a woman could not own property, had no recourse if her husband left with her children, could not keep money she may have earned or inherited, then the right to vote for women and all the changes that came about because of it seems more substantial. The world was not perfect way back when, husband's were not always kind and gentle willing to take care of their wife's every need. A woman had no defense against any wrong doings against her. The right to vote is that important.

It may be difficult and time consuming to find the issues. It may be discouraging to see how people act in the limelight. But I encourage you to keep at it, vote, because it is a hard won privilege. Vote because even if we don't see all the changes we wish to see, those who vote do have the opportunity to have a say. We honor those with the foresight to know that we as women citizens would have better opportunities if we had a voice in our democratic process.

Goodbye Miss Audrey

Every now and again an amazing person will grace this earth, and if we are blessed, we will have the opportunity to be part of their lives. Then again, maybe life is so busy, so cruel, so fleeting that we don't notice the angels in disguise among us. I think I had a foot in both scenerios.

About ten years ago I belonged to a wonderful women's ministry at our church. It's quite common now in the Christian church to have all sorts of programs to help the members of the body "connect". Our church had long had "care groups" that met at designated times in order to share needs and study the Bible together. Our women's ministry wanted to take this further and start a mentoring program. A "mature" woman helping younger or newer Christian women along the way. In theory this was a fantastic idea. How often do we crave a guiding hand or an encouraging word from someone who has navigated the likes of marriage & childrearing or dating & full time employment? We all do I believe; but in reality, matching people up took a important job right out of God's hands. Needless to say it didn't work, and I was more than dissappointed.

Our ideas and plans may not have worked, but God's did. I didn't realize at that the time, but God had placed a mentor in my life. This is my foot in the "I didn't notice what was happening field". Audrey and her husband had been friends from church with my parents ten years prior to me darkening the door. When I accepted the Lord and began bringing my little ones to church, she latched right on to us. About ten years older than my parents, Audrey had children, grandchildren, and even great grand children and still had the time and energy to adopt more into her fold. She never called herself mentor, she just followed her heart. I will never forget the days she would call me up and insist I bring the children and any other little ones hanging around to cool off in her pool. The consumate hostess, there were always homemade cookies, cool drinks and a cute hat that I must wear to keep the sun off. I was a young mother and a young Christian and she was a gentle balm to my soul. The kids would swim and we would talk about family and faith. I was learning more than I ever knew.

Audrey always had a smile, always asked about my children as they grew. She mourned with my family when my dad passed away and I know she has been a dear friend to my mother. At 77 she has gone on to be with the Lord. The whole time I knew her and she was doing these wonderful things, she was fighting cancer. Oh how silly and selfish I can be!

I say goodbye to Miss Audrey, looking forward to the day we all meet again. Until then I pray God shows me how to be selfless and gentlehearted, and to watch for the moments that I can bless others as that beautiful woman did.

Coming back

It's been a long time; feels like forever. I started this blog to connect with my new world of on line friends mainly from the MaryJane Butter's forum. I found a community of women that enjoyed many of the simpler things I was discovering. Organics, domestic arts & crafts, photography and a variety of other passions.

I still keep in contact with some neat & inspiring women. But my life has changed in the years that have followed. As my life has taken some turns, not unlike changes in many other peoples lives. My father passed a way, I went to work full-time & my children are reaching highschool graduation. Nothing that the majority of women and men alike go through at some point. As cliche as this sounds, I do not life to pass me by. In 2009 not only my beloved father, but also my Aunt & my grandmother passed away. I do not want to waste time. I want to experience life and grow. I want to be a giver & doer. I have had a dream to write ever since I could put letters together to form words. This blog will change to reflect the changes in me.

I still have the desire to create & grow & be close to the earth. Unfortunately, working full-time has limited my creative time. I have not sewn at all in two years. I realized recently I could if I really wanted to, but something has shifted; to everything there is a season. This is the season of soul searching.

I realize I may be just writing these posts for myself. There may not be a single soul interested in what I have to say. So be it, acceptance is part of maturity. I add this on to my old blog for a number of reasons. Namely, one, I hope to reconnect with old friends & two, I want to compare where I was and where I am going. Am I for real?

So if you stop by, I thank you. Please leave a note. Have you lost a dear loved one and want to share, or are you suddenly faced with the empty nest symdrom? Let's chat. Do you have a dream (job, excursion, etc); have you taken steps to get closer to it?

Let's take the journey together!